Brook believes in a society where everyone is supported to live healthy lives, free from inequality and strengthened by fulfilling relationships.
Supported Loving toolkit
Kink and fetish
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People have a right to support around their sexual preferences. This includes support around different kinks and fetishes.
Kink covers a wide range of consensual sexual interests, activities, and expressions that go beyond what’s typically considered conventional. This can include role-play, sensory play, and more.
A fetish usually refers to a strong focus on a particular object, material, body part or situation.
Fetishes and kinks often overlap, and like all forms of sexual expression, it is important that activities are based on mutual consent, communication, and respect.
What is considered ‘kink’ or ‘fetish’ has changed over time, along with society’s attitudes toward them. Today, mainstream media features films and books like Fifty Shades of Grey, sex aids are easy to buy online, and pornography is widely accessible. Many adults, including the people we support, enjoy watching it. However, the way kink and fetish are portrayed in the media and pornography isn’t always realistic, helpful or informative.
The people we support have the same rights as anyone else to explore their sexuality, including kink and fetish. But many haven’t had access to comprehensive sex and relationship education that includes discussions about pleasure and consent. It’s likely no one has ever spoken to them about kink or fetish or provided them with accurate information. Without this knowledge, they may turn to unreliable sources, putting them at greater risk of harm or exploitation. For example, they might be asked by a partner to take part in sexual activities that could be considered kink or fetish without fully understanding how to do so safely.
At Supported Loving, we believe everyone has the right to make informed choices about their sexuality. If someone we support is interested in, or has been asked by someone to take part in, aspects of kink or fetish, our role is to help them to access clear, rights based, judgement-free information.
What are the most common challenges faced by people in this area?
Stigma – The people we support will have a wide range of sexual expressions, including interests in kink, just like the general population. Staff should respect their rights to these choices and provide support without judgement. However, this can be challenging, especially if staff don’t personally agree with or find certain interests unappealing. It’s important to separate personal values from professional responsibilities. Staff should not let discomfort prevent open conversations about sexuality, kink and/or fetishes, as discussing these topics is essential for supporting people’s rights to explore their sexuality. If staff feel unsure or uncomfortable, they must seek guidance from colleagues, training, or resources such as the Supported Loving toolkit. If a staff member feels they cannot provide the support needed, they should ensure the individual is referred to someone who can as soon as possible. A non-judgemental, supportive environment allows people to explore their sexuality safely, confidently, and without fear of stigma.
Understanding consent, risk and safeguarding - Perhaps the largest concern when it comes to kink is around consent. Kink isn’t inherently harmful or abusive, but it can carry serious risks if the basic principles of safety and consent aren’t followed. Consent must be freely given, informed, specific, and ongoing. That means the person needs to understand what they’re agreeing to, feel free to say yes or no without pressure, and know they can stop at any time. They also need to understand that their partner must give consent too, and can change their mind at any time. This is especially important if the person is engaging in activities that involve restraint, potential pain, or anything that might impact their wellbeing or safety. Consent isn’t just about saying yes, it’s about making an informed choice. We need to be confident in how the person expresses themselves and ensure they understand what something involves, including possible risks.
Conversations around kink or fetishes should not automatically lead to safeguarding referrals, unless there is a clear risk of harm. If someone is engaging in an aspect of kink that could cause harm to themselves or others, this should be risk assessed in the same way we would with any potentially harmful activity. That doesn't mean shutting it down, but thinking carefully about how to reduce risk, respect the person’s rights, and make sure safeguarding procedures are in place where needed. This is part of positive risk-taking. Supporting people to make informed decisions about what matters to them, even where there are risks, rather than avoiding risk altogether. Safeguarding is important, but it should be balanced with people’s rights to explore their sexuality and make choices about their own lives.
If there are safeguarding concerns, follow your organisation’s procedures while respecting the individual’s rights. If there are concerns about whether the person understands the activity or can make an informed decision, then a Mental Capacity Assessment may be required. Capacity is decision-specific, someone may have capacity to consent to some sexual activities but not others. It's important that people are given the information they need, in order to make an informed decision. You can use our Easy Read Guide to Kink, alongside any additional materials you feel are appropriate, to help explore a person's understanding of kink, safety, and consent.
Understanding kink and/or fetishes of people with more complex needs - Some people we support may engage in behaviours or express interests that could be considered part of kink or a fetish. For example, they might show a strong interest in feet, particular fabrics, specific types of touch or the feel of certain objects. These preferences might not be described by the person as sexual, but they could still be linked to comfort or a sensory need. People may not have the language to communicate their experiences or preferences clearly. That doesn’t make their needs any less valid. Just because someone communicates differently, or has higher support needs, doesn’t mean they aren’t expressing something meaningful. Staff should be open-minded and avoid jumping to conclusions about what is or isn’t appropriate. Behaviour that feels unfamiliar or different isn’t necessarily harmful. It may simply reflect the way someone experiences or expresses pleasure.
Staff should support people to explore these interests safely and privately. This might include working closely with others who know the person well, using communication tools, and taking a person-centred approach. Supporting someone with complex needs may involve helping them understand where and when it is appropriate to explore certain behaviours, and providing opportunities to do this in a private, safe space. If staff are unsure about whether a person’s behaviour is sexual or not, or whether it raises concerns around risk or capacity, they should seek advice. This could include consulting a manager, accessing external training, or involving a speech and language therapist to help with communication. It might also involve using accessible resources or social stories to support understanding. Sexuality, kink and fetishes can look different for everyone. Some people may not use sexual words, but still experience arousal, preference or desire.
Our role isn’t to shut this down or ignore it, but to recognise it and support it in a safe, respectful and private way.
If you feel unsure about discussing kink, seek guidance from colleagues, training, or organisations like Supported Loving.
Dos and Don’ts regarding support
Do
- Respond in a calm, neutral, and supportive way if someone asks about kink.
- Use clear, accessible language and offer Easy Read resources if needed.
- Reassure the person that it’s okay to ask questions - exploring sexuality is a normal part of life.
If a person appears distressed, coerced, or at risk of harm, follow safeguarding procedures.
Don't
- Act out of fear. Instead, consider what support, communication tools, or safeguarding processes may be helpful to keep the person safe.
- Think someone isn’t interested in kink just because of their disability or support needs.
- Assume behaviour is sexual, it might not be. Take time to understand the person, their preferences, and how they communicate.
Case Studies
'Malik'
Malik is a 55-year-old man with a learning disability and limited verbal communication. He lives in supported housing and is supported by a consistent team who know him well. Over time, staff noticed that Malik became noticeably aroused when touching certain fabrics like leather and satin. He sometimes sought opportunities to touch these materials privately and occasionally became frustrated when this was restricted or interrupted. Some staff were unsure how to respond. A few felt uncomfortable, while others weren’t certain whether this was sensory behaviour or part of Malik’s sexuality. His keyworker raised the topic during a team meeting and reminded colleagues that people with learning disabilities can have sexual feelings and interests, including preferences that might be seen as part of kink. She emphasised the importance of not making assumptions, but also not ignoring sexual expression.
The team worked with a speech and language therapist to explore ways Malik could express what he liked, using visual tools and yes/no symbols. Malik was able to communicate that he enjoyed the feel of certain fabrics and preferred to be alone in his room when doing this. The team supported Malik to access these items safely and helped him understand where and when it was okay to explore these feelings. They also used accessible resources to explain privacy and worked with Malik to create a routine that allowed him private time with the materials he liked. Staff reminded themselves that the goal wasn’t to stop the behaviour, but to support Malik’s right to explore his sexuality in a way that was safe and respectful. As a result, Malik is more relaxed and confident. His staff feel more comfortable having these conversations.
'Sarah'
Sarah, a 29-year-old woman with a learning disability, has been in a relationship with her partner, Kate, for six months. Kate recently expressed an interest in incorporating spanking into their sex life, and Sarah was curious but unsure about how to approach the situation and set boundaries to ensure she felt safe.
Sarah decided to ask her support worker, Lisa, for guidance. Lisa reassured Sarah that many people enjoy different types of touch, including spanking, but the most important thing was ensuring both partners felt comfortable and respected. Lisa helped Sarah think through the boundaries she wanted to set with Kate, such as how hard the spanking could be and whether to use an object or just her hand. They also discussed using a ‘safe word’, so Sarah could signal if she ever felt uncomfortable or needed to stop.
Lisa explained the importance of checking in with each other before, during and after to make sure both partners were still comfortable. She reminded Sarah that boundaries can change at any time, and Sarah had the right to express if she wanted to adjust or stop the activity. With this support, Sarah felt more confident to have an open conversation with Kate about her boundaries and preferences. Kate was understanding, and together they set clear, respectful rules around what felt right for both. Now, Sarah feels empowered to explore her sexuality in a safe, controlled way. She understands the importance of open communication and boundary-setting, knowing that both partners should always feel comfortable and respected.
Top tips
- Stay neutral and non-judgemental - If someone brings it up, respond calmly and without shock. You don’t have to know all the answers, just show that it’s okay to talk about.
- Focus on safety, rights, and choice - Kink isn’t automatically harmful, but it should always involve clear consent, mutual respect, and understanding. Support people to make informed, safe choices.
- Know when to seek advice - If you’re unsure about capacity, safety, or risk, or how to respond, speak to your manager or someone via Supported Loving or other organisations for support.
Resources
Kink and BDSM
What is kink?
BISH is for people who are (or are thinking about) having sex / relationships. So this website is aimed at everyone over 14. Thousands of teens and adults come here every day.
What is Kink? - what does it mean and how to do it safely - BISH
Kinks and safety video
Mel Gadd- Cwmni Addysg Rhyw Sex Education Company.
Aids and equipment
People have a right to support around their sexuality, which includes finding appropriate equipment and aids to facilitate sexual activities.
Read more
Pornography
Many adults enjoy viewing pornography, and most is legal to view. However, this page explores some of the challenges that may arise when supporting someone.
Read more
Staying safe in relationships
Developing relationships can be associated with risk factors. However, any risks should be balanced against the benefits and joys that relationships can bring.
Read more